To date or not to date....that seems to be the question.
Hi everyone. It is May 8th, - can you believe it! This year is flying by already! Mother's Day is this weekend, the weather is changing & you can pretty much sense the momentum in Chicago building - we love summer!
So many of you have been sending me messages about the topic of dating while you are sick. Should you? Shouldn't you? How? What? When? haha. Wow, ya'll have sent in a lot of inquiries so, let's talk about it.
The timing of all of your questions is rather befitting for me. I am single as all of you know and what you all do not know is that I am finally open to dating. I will be able to answer your questions from the same perspective as all of you - which is kind of fun!
My first instinctual answer is - do what is best for you. I spoke w/ Christa & Justin this past week {Christa & Justin are married and featured on my website under 'Inspired' - please read their story - amazing}. Justin met Christa when she was sick w/ POTS Syndrome and while I am pretty certain he didn't set out to 'date a sick girl' - he was taken with her. The guy was obviously smitten and they worked through it. If you read Christa's story or watch their film, Christa became much more sick and Justin became her full-time caretaker for a long period of time. It takes one special guy to do that but he was already in love and felt called (led) by God to stay in the game. Now, Christa is 100% restored to health & their relationship is stronger than ever. Christa's suffering bonded them in a very unique way & their love for each other runs deeper than most couples that I have ever met.
Gosh, let's see. I am going to go through your questions and just talk about each topic. I think that will keep me organized (such a broad topic)!
Should you tell them right away?
Hmmm......I really think you need to do what is best for you. For me? Yes, if I am genuinely interested in someone, I am going to tell them right up front. I think it depends upon the type of illness you have. I mean, if your diabetic, there is no reason to share that up front unless your meeting over ice cream. My health condition comes with limitations and weird symptoms - it flipped my life on it's tail so, I like to let someone know up front what they are potentially in for. There is absolutely no right or wrong answer here. It's kind of like if you weigh the decision of telling someone you have been divorced or you have kids - or whatever it may be. I think you need to do what is best. There is no rule book so, make your own rules - follow your instincts and pray about it. If you are both interested in one another, everything will be shared one way or another and you will find a way to deal with it.
Should you date?
I think yes, if you are grounded and coming from a place of knowing what it is you want. I think there is a tricky phase you go through when having a chronic health condition. The phase I am referring to is when you are needy, devastated, sad and wanting comfort. I personally do not think it is healthy to be dating in this 'phase' which is early on in illness - Chapter 1 if you will. I think you can enter into the danger zone - so be cautious. I believe you will attract unhealthy people AND I believe when you get well, you will not have attracted that type of person. You want to keep your wits about you. Stay wise. You still have a brain and it works well.
As for me, I knew that early 2011 was not a good time to be dating. I would have been looking for someone to fill a void and I'm too smart for that. Now? I am ready. I am actually ready for 'the one' should he walk into my life. I've never been more ready. My body & circumstances? Well not ideal but hey, life is now. Life is not going to wait for you to get better so, ride the tide or sit still....always your call.
I hope you all learn to separate 'who you are' with your 'illness'. Start to detach from it. It is not 'you'. Your underneath it all. Once you do, you will feel more confident in making decisions about if you should date or not.
Why would a guy want to date a girl that is sick?
This was one of your questions that I want to answer. Why don't you rephrase the question? Why wouldn't a guy want to date a gorgeous, intelligent, funny, quirky, loving and caring girl - who happens to have a health challenge? Why not!!! I mean, I can name 5 girls that have my health condition - actually 6 - who all met their spouses/boyfriend while they were struggling with their health. I am actually having two guys who are dating women with POTS Syndrome - be Guest Bloggers. They are going to tackle this topic. So excited for those posts - testosterone is in the air!
You deserve love and love will find you.
When you are sending me these types of questions, I am thinking there is insecurity lurking underneath. I say that from a place of absolutely no judgement...at all. I mean, I've been there. If you are feeling insecure at all - don't date. Wait until you feel better in your own shoes. It's SO worth waiting it out b/c then you will attract someone who you are actually meant to attract. I think I said that earlier in this blog post.
I think life is messy and with the large number of questions about dating, I haven't heard one with the word 'love' in any of them.
Let me reassure you all of something. True love is unconditional - through sickness and in health - the best of times and horrible times. This is what real love is. If someone doesn't love you now and wants to wait until you are healthy, it is not love. Love is love - it knows no boundaries - and shouldn't (0:
With all of that being said, there will be men that you meet that do not want to deal with your limitations. This is ok too. You need to respect that and let them mozy (is that a word?) on down the dating lane....without you. This is fine - this will release you to be ready for the love of your life.
You want love to walk into your life? Well then I am hoping that all of you start focusing on loving yourselves FIRST - and those around you. If you are having to ask a lot of concerning questions about someone else loving you, you are not loving you. You must love you first.
I think my response above is at the core of every single question all of you have for me. I will continue to come back with the same answer - to loving yourself first. If you do that, love is going to knock on your door one day and when it does, you will be ready.
Good luck!! Let me know how it goes and if you have any burning questions, you can email me. I will answer privately.
